Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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