I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
