you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
