In the future we'll all be gay
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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