Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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