I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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