there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
