2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
