I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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