It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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