if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
