best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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