How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
