Already got asked if we're dating
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
