D3 body, D1 cock
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Success! We fucked roommates!
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