Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
