dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize