I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
