If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
