Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
