Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
