I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
