my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
