My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
