It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
