Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
