What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
