I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
