She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
bring money and cleavage
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
