I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
