Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
