What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
