Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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