And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
