oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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