just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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