pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
