I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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