Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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