He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This is my gift to your gina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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