Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
