i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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