T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
