She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
