i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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