you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
