I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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