glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
