are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My balls are so social today.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
