Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize