i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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