Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize