I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
