They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
