I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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