apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
