If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
