3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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