You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
