Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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