I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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