paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
