HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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