How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
