My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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