i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
