DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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