i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
