Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
