Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
